This is my last post. I've been doing this for sometime now and would want to focus on other things that are worth a short at. I started writing without much plan and idea about what and how but have done decently. Some of you have given me too much love and have been far to kind to me more than I deserve. Thank you for that! while others have pushed me to reach further and improve myself, thank you to you as well. Forever grateful but never satisfied. I'm also thankful to all those of you who shared their stories with me and entrusted me with the burden that not all stories can be told and also let me in to different perspective and fresh ideas and thoughts. I owe a lot to you all.
As of now I do not know if I'd ever come back to writing these posts but I wouldn't count it out ;)
Hope you enjoy this last post. Thank you once again!
Hope you enjoy this last post. Thank you once again!
F*CK YOU - F*CK ME
It’s not about love or chemistry; it’s not even really about like. Sometimes it’s about attraction, but that’s as serious as it gets. In all honesty it’s more about a memory and my ache to feel something, anything at all. I need to be touched for one reason, and that is solely to forget she ever had the hold on me the way she did. When all is said and done, we always fought for a way that brought her and I back together every time we tried to end it—well, except this time I suppose. she was hurt and I meant it when I said I was moving on.
It doesn’t matter if we meet at the bar, at a pub, or even mutual friends. It doesn’t matter if I take you to the movies, dinner, or straight to your place. The end point will always be the same. I will fuck you and tell you you’re the best I’ve ever had. I’ll go down on you, let you blow me and let you talk dirty to me. I’ll bust a load on your face and even snap a few pictures if you’d like. The dirtier the better because all this is really just a way for me to forget the way She loved me night after night. I won’t look you in the eye, I won’t cuddle with you afterwards, and unless you give me a mind-blowing orgasm I won’t give you my number. When you ask how many girls I’ve slept with I’ll lie and if you ask if I’m fucking anyone else I’ll tell you no. I won’t ask if you have a boyfriend and I won’t ask you to tell me what makes you who you are. I won’t spare your feelings and I won’t hesitate to tell you what gets me off. I want fast and I want hard. I want you to get me high with the way I feel when I'm inside you. I want you to fuck me so well that I forget, at least for a minute, why I’m even fucking you in the first place.
I'll fuck you the first time I meet you for the same reason I'll fuck you before the last time. It’s my need to hold onto the few things I’m still capable of controlling and my need to prove something. It didn’t matter that you probably feel bad for me and it doesn’t matter if you’re just taking me home because you're the drunken girl alone at the bar. I need to prove to myself that She would always choose me, and tonight I need to prove to you that I’m the best guy between the sheets in this goddamned city.
When I leave your place, your car, or wherever we’ve chosen to do the deed I’ll take the long way home. Sit alone at station waiting for the last train or the first one of the day depending upon when I leave you and the music turned as loud as I can handle will help drown out the thoughts that bring to me to the darkness that brought me to you in the first place. Old familiar questions will sneak up on me and I’ll begin to wonder if I still love her or if I ever did at all. I ponder whether it was the comfort and safety that She provided or the way She kept my secrets as if they were her personal demons that really drew me in. When I look back She wasn’t all that special but She had something about her, some kind of magnetic force that always kept me coming back for more and never allowed me to fully let go. I’ll make a loop around my neighborhood so I can finish off the song that’s playing and when I finally crawl into bed I’ll wish I was back in her arms once again. I’ll remind myself that next weekend isn’t too far away and it won’t be long before I’m tangled up in another stranger’s sheets fucking the pain away.
I've lived trying to be everything that I hoped you'd like but never being enough. All I ever wanted to be was to be wanted, to be wanted by you. Now I fill my glass faster and not because i like its taste but cause it helps stop all the thoughts from over powering me making me feel like how worth less I am. They say that in order to build something you must first destroy. I'll destroy everything in me that reminds of you. I am the guy that everybody said I am and not the one i always wanted to be for you.
When all is said and done, when everyone has left I still sit and wait for you to just sit next to me and tell me that you really value the things that I do and that maybe the world will never know or maybe they'll never understand but not every superhero wears a cape, not all of them have super powers. Some told the door open for you, hold you when you can't walk and remind you how amazing you are in everything you do.
I've lived trying to be everything that I hoped you'd like but never being enough. All I ever wanted to be was to be wanted, to be wanted by you. Now I fill my glass faster and not because i like its taste but cause it helps stop all the thoughts from over powering me making me feel like how worth less I am. They say that in order to build something you must first destroy. I'll destroy everything in me that reminds of you. I am the guy that everybody said I am and not the one i always wanted to be for you.
When all is said and done, when everyone has left I still sit and wait for you to just sit next to me and tell me that you really value the things that I do and that maybe the world will never know or maybe they'll never understand but not every superhero wears a cape, not all of them have super powers. Some told the door open for you, hold you when you can't walk and remind you how amazing you are in everything you do.
