The Pretender

The Pretender

I've been told on many occasions now that I'm really good with words, some of you have actually been far too kind and said that if I do ever write a book you'll love to read it. It makes me happy and scared at the same time. Happy because you seem to enjoy what i write and that's very satisfying indeed but it scares me because when i first started writing it was more for self discovery and less for you readers. It was supposed to be a little insight into what it means to be me. Now I can't help but think I might have gone overboard here.

Many of my friends have started blogging and I like to pretend that I'm probably among the reasons that they did. And so I keep talking to them to understand what is their process, how do they approach a post, what drives them to write. They tell me, almost all of them, that they write about things that they feel about and that  it should be something that they have felt and can relate. I've always made fun of them and told them that words have the power to convey that which you don't even feel and the readers won't even know. They try and defend their position but alas give up mostly because I keep making fun and mocking them.

To you, I say the joke is on me. I was made to believe that I could control words and what they convey, that I'm their master, and they my slave but let me tell you that's not the case. Words, they have a life of their own and nobody can control them. My post you like so much isn't because i wrote them, its because those words seem to fit together. I've always liked to believe that words have the power to create but forgot that they have the power to destroy as well. The age old saying that words once spoken can't be taken back seems to be so true more than ever.

As a child..okay let me re frame my sentence..as the younger brother I had absolutely no control over the remote to the TV and that meant watching whatever my brother wished and fancied. And looking back am i thankful for that because a lot of anomaly in who i'm is because of those things on TV. Things like total disregard for death and the basic human empathy with death. I remember one day an elderly neighbor had died and as in most cases I opened the door and the lady broke the news to me that uncle was no more. I remember running back inside to where my brother and mom were sitting and laughing out loud like really really loud!! When i could finally tell my mom she left the room and brother and i continued to laugh out loud!
when she came back she found us still laughing and finally decided to lock us up in the room till we were done with our laughter.

One of the things i remember is watching a show called "The Pretender", Now I don't remember much about that show but all I can recall is that the protagonist could become anybody he chose to and it blew my mind. This was like as close to magic as possible. I mean at times he would be a fire fighter and then a doctor and he was good at it, not necessarily great but convincingly good and that kinda stuck to me. When asked what i wanted to be..I always thought why not anyone i want to be. I started to learn as many things as i could, not necessarily mastering them but get more n more information about anything and everything from disease to divinity I cover everything..if its worth knowing then I made it a point to know it. And boy has it come in handy for me! :)

It came with its own cost. Now I've always been the smartest one in a room. If it was something I didn't fully understand I had a way of learning it very fast right there..listening, observing people. I count that as my greatest asset till date.

Slowly I became the pretender. I could be anyone at the drop of a hat..from discussing cricket which i have no interest in to music which is very close to me I can be a very aware person on the said topic if not an expert in the field. but I lost part of me with every thing that i did I lost who i was.

I've smiled when I didn't want to. I said things which I knew i didn't believe in. For the people that mattered I became who they needed the most. For some I became the comic, for others I became the philosopher. Most of all I stopped being myself. and now different people have different versions of me.

And i don't know who i am.


I'm so good at what i do that I can convince even myself that if this is how it has to be then with the snap of a finger I become that. The only remorse is that I don't know who i am. I'm surprised how confident people are with what they want and who they are. I want everything and be anyone i want to.

Maybe a I'm asking a little too much..but Such is life.

#7 The College Lessons

We all know that most college learning takes place outside the classroom. You could even make the argument that your weekend parties, various social gatherings, and bedroom excursions ARE in fact your classroom — the places where you’ll accrue the most valuable life lessons.
Below is a list of shit you’ll probably do. Here’s what you’ll get out of them:

The College Lessons

1. Orientation

This is where your college is drastically misrepresented, but the primary purpose of orientation is to prevent any real embarrassing situations and to assure you that you indeed have made the right decision

In another life, the icebreakers and diversity training sessions could actually be semi-interesting and worthwhile. Except, of course, the fact that interest cedes to eagerness, and eagerness is a HUGE no-no when it comes to the tackling the insecurities of first year. Why be interested in something when that cool kid you just met might think it’s the shittiest thing on this side of his college ID? Way too risky.

Lesson Learned

When in doubt, act like you’re above institutional norms. This can only backfire when everyone else is given enough time to formulate their own opinions. Four days is never enough, so you’re good here.

2. Abusing-Porn Addict-Hostel

In which you haven’t totally decided if you want to spend the next couple of years with the kids currently taking turns to pick a girl from down below. They’re cool, but clearly there’s something a bit off here. Also, what is it with the girls just talking to each other until they’re drunk enough to forget that they came into this trying to play hard to get?

Lesson Learned

Without alcohol, the concept of a “Room conferences” applies well beyond College.

3. Unplanned Hookup in a Public Place

If you do this right — meaning, you have no idea what the fuck you’re doing as it’s happening, are half terrified that you might get kicked out of college if you’re discovered, and have scored a girl that isn’t a complete aesthetic catastrophe — you’ll have cemented a solid go-to “craziest night in college” story for the rest of your life.

**The spontaneity of this is crucial — and gets harder to pull off as the years progress.

Lesson Learned

Calculated honesty is highly rewarded here. Know what you could get away with. If she blew you in the somewhat dark, out of the way behind the hostel or near the engineering auditorium, that’s what happened.

4. The First Non-Acknowledgement

Going through college and remaining in contact with all the people you’ve sloppily hooked up with — even if only on a “hey what’s up” passerby basis, is damn near impossible. Therefore, it’s very important to pretend like you don’t know the person that just walked by you. Otherwise, you may have to spend the next two years debating whether or not to look up from your phone every time they’re remotely in your vicinity. Not a hole you want to dig yourself into.

Lesson Learned

There are things that could be put off until the last minute. This is not one of them.

5. Thinking Your Friend Might Die

Most Likely to happen when on your IV.
You’ll likely be on both sides of the coin — but because you won’t remember the tails part we’ll focus on the heads.

He may not have any color left in his face, Breathing heavily — and dumping water on his head may not do anything to wake him up — but thank Mr. Jesus he’s still breathing. A feat so phenomenal, it makes you want to celebrate with an entire bottle of…oh, right.

Lesson Learned

While this isn’t something to put on a babysitting resume, bitch please with claiming your nine-year-old is a piece of work.

6. First Date Party

There is nothing quite like taking a girl you really like to a classy place that could easily pass for a Craigslist listing in Over priced

Yet if done right, this will be one of the more memorable nights of your college experience — and even a bigger one for the girl, who will likely spend the entire week before whispering about it excitedly about it to her friends, who will whisper excitedly back because they’re really jealous and think whispering back excitedly may mask their jealously down to acceptable/undetectable levels.

Lesson Learned

In the long term, College and Hostel will give you lifelong friends, memories, and valuable experiences. In the short term, they project status. First girls go ape shit about these sorts of events, because the sheer exclusivity of it all differentiates them from the rest of the common-room gossiping pack.

As a dude, don’t discount this. Even if you breathe too loud, and kind of know she’s not entirely into you. She’s counting on you much more than you realize.

7. Career Fair

These sorts of events are beyond unbearable, creating what is without a doubt one of the most depressing environments you’ll experience in college.

It’s nearly impossible to leave one of these without completely hating yourself, the world, and the fact that you used the words “Aesthetic Integrity Coordinator” to describe your summer landscaping job.

Lesson Learned
Unless you’re irrationally enthusiastic about learning a few buzzwords that are only there so someone could make it seem like they know what they’re talking about when they really have little to no idea, you’ll never get a job.

If you shout the words “Microsoft Excel” loud enough, you will probably get a job.

8. Someone Else’s Formal

Formals clearly deserve their own article, which will be tackled sometime in the near future. But have you ever been to someone-else-that-wasn’t-your-girlfriend-at-the-time’s formal? MAN are they somewhat cool and somewhat ehh.

Lesson Learned:

If you’re not part of a tight-knit group, people will only put up with you out of courtesy to their friend.

If you’re not part of a tight-knit group, but then get drunk with said tight-knit group, you are now part of the tight-knit group.

9. Bar Trivia

A College adventure, this is where you pat yourself on the back for enduring your friends for the past three/four years. A much bigger accomplishment than you initially realized.

Lessons Learned

Everybody in the world has an intolerable ego.

Even you.

10. Many of Firsts

College will lead you to a many firsts, first kiss, first heart-break, first failure and oh so many of firsts. Learn and Adopt. Not the last time in life. It'll keep hitting you. And in the words of a fav.  "It ain't about how hard you can hit, It's about how hard you can get hit and still move on"


All in all it's the best time you'll have. Make the most of it. Live with no regrets.
Peace!

#6 The Signs

It seemed like the natural progression on my previous post and hence i see it as a fit to feature it here now.
We all struggle with the signs of the universe and with this post maybe we all will stand a better chance.
For you all to devour and smile about :)

#6 The Signs

Here are 11 signs that'll tell you that you love somebody.

1. No matter how much time passes between the last time you saw them and the next time you will see them, either way you can’t wait to see them again. You’re excited to hang out with them and you’re excited to play in their hair, to smell them, to hold their hand.


2. You’re mature enough to know that no relationship is ever perfect. It’s not always going to be good times. There will be fights, disagreements, miscommunications, and there might even be a lull in the relationship itself. But if you really love someone, you have to look past that stuff and think about the future. If you walk in on them sleeping with someone or they send a sex message meant for someone else, THAT’s a different story. No relationship is perfect, and real love will get you through all the hurdles.

3. They do that thing that they do only with you, pull back the strand of hair, hug you ever so tightly that it melts you and it keeps running on your head like a stuck record, no matter where you are or what you do. It keeps playing in your head and it makes you smile and it makes you sad as well.

4. The moment you realize your relationship isn’t about sex. Your partner might have a porn addiction and they are going to masturbate without you. Relationship sex always dwindles because life happens. Stress happens. Erectile disfunction happens. Our relationships are held together by a lot of different things, and sex is only one of the adhesives.

5. When you know you fucked up royally you apologize for it, making sure your partner knows you care. Or if your partner is the one who fucks up, you express your anger and let them know what they did was wrong. But eventually, you remember that people are allowed to make mistakes — even big ones. Nobody is perfect.

6. You can already imagine a future together. You want them to be a part of your life, you want to share new things with them, you care for them. It’s hard for you to not imagine a future together.

7. You don’t feel jealous, either when they make new friends or when they talk about new people. You are secure enough in yourself that you don’t make them feel bad about wanting to hang out with their friends or even go out dancing. These are all things they did before they met you anyway, and you know they need the space to be with you but also without you sometimes.

8. When you spend hours in bed on Saturday night in the company of music and good reads, only with her/him do you want to do anything. The world feels right.

9. You don’t question their every whereabout. You let them do the things they need to do, whether that’s a night out with friends without you or going on a trip, all while understanding that the best way to be in a relationship is to be with someone who is their full self, all the time, and not someone they are pretending to be.

10. Seeing other couples makes you sad and you think about them immediately. Maybe you’re out at a restaurant or some other place, but as soon as you see another couple you feel warm inside, imagine that’s how you two look to other people.

11. Finally, understand that you are home. No matter what happens in the course of a relationship (save of course the absolute worst), you are home. Trust that they love you. Trust that they want to be with you.

#5 The Playbook

I've been asked to write something on these lines for a very long time now and Honestly I think I should have written it a very long time ago. Here is for your reading pleasure :

#5 The Playbook

It seems like everyone’s favorite topic of conversation, including my own, is dating and relationships. My friends are constantly telling me about their latest Cupid nightmare or hangover from their party from last night. Everyone I know is dating,having a crush or getting married (What a waste btw) yet we all can’t stop bitching about it. Well Bros, worry no further. Here are some ways you can separate yourselves from the average Bro and step up your dating game.

1. Plan and initiate the first dates.

If you ask someone out, make a plan. One of the biggest pet peeves that I've come across is when the girl gets asked out on a date, and then the bro says to her, “So, what do you want to do?” Umm, maybe sit on my couch and watch Game of Thrones and maybe think about Jon Snow? But since She does that every other night, She's allowing you to make the decision for her. By accepting a date with you, She is giving up on her control-freak ways and putting her fate of the night into the hands of a (hopefully) competent human being. Dudes, if you are initiating the date (which you should be doing), then you pick the bar, restaurant, or activity that you do. That being said, don’t be a weirdo and choose a date that requires high athletic activity or getting in a bathing suit. If your first date goes well, then contact the person within two days, and ask them out again. Planning and initiating the dates shows that you are assertive, interested, and a go-getter. Plan everything and double check everything to ensure everything plays out the way you have planned it, always have time for "Nothing". This is where if something over runs the time dedicated to it you can eat up this time. I plan everything to the last possible detail from the food to the topics to be discussed, having said it'll take you time for you but doesn't mean you shouldn't. Also most importantly It should look effortless. Don't make it look like you put in a lot of effort, let her be the judge and see the effort on her own. If you are assertive with planning the dates, you are probably also assertive in other arenas.

Get where I’m going with this? Good.

2. Pay for the first date.

The economy still kind of sucks and gender rules are outdated. That does not matter. Men, you pay for the first date. Ladies, be polite and offer to pay tip or split. But men, do not let them. This does not mean that you are misogynistic, it means you are a gentleman. If you really want to suave, pay the bill while she’s in the bathroom so you can just skip the back and forth of how it should be paid. After you’ve gone out a couple times, by all means split the bill — because the economy kind of sucks and gender rules are outdated. This actually solves two problems : a) by paying first she believes she's with someone who can take care of her. b) By letting her pay after a couple of times she will feel you treat her as equal. (Very important)

3. Be polite and put your phone away.

Bros, when you are going on a date, you want to be the best version of yourself. Open the door for your date (car doors are extra bonus points) and do not use the F, B, or C words or combinations of those. Be nice to the employees wherever you are and make sure to tip. The most important thing to remember is to put your phone away and keep it on silent. There is truly nothing shittier than going on a date and the person is on their phone the whole time. For all your date knows, you could be setting up a booty call for later in the night or reading about whether Kim had a baby or did Paris has her new video out. Put the phone down, you Millennial you. The game, Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram can all wait until after your date.

4. Go in for the first kiss sooner rather than later.

If you’ve learned anything from The Little Mermaid, it’s to go on and kiss the girl (or that bestiality can be sexy, hopefully it’s the first). Now this is the tricky part and might need a lot of study and observation but with me its like this the first kiss should happen within the first three dates. If you wait too long, then you may get Friend-Zoned or she may think you’re not interested. A kiss doesn't mean you go all tongue wagging at her, Go in for the kiss if she’s giving you the green light. A lot of men have trouble reading signals; just because she is smiling and laughing does not necessarily mean she wants to go to third base with you. Notice her body language (leaning in and any kind of physical contact is good). Maybe she’ll touch your arm when she laughs at your dumb joke or challenge you to a thumb-war. If she’s touching you, she wants you to kiss her.

A word of caution here : This is after all India and it might or rather already be a very big deal for her so if she is worth the wait then by all means do wait. Your heart shall tell you. if it means something you'll know. How you ask? I'm yet to find out but you'll know when the time is right till then nothing beats the good old hug :)

5. Call, do not text.

Texting conversations are so FYJC. If you want to ask someone out, call them. If you are running late, text them. If you want to chat, call them. If you need an address or directions, text them. Keep texting to a minimum (especially if you’re drunk). Keep drunk texting in college where it belongs next to your porn collection and your ultra sexy chaddi.

6. Good eye contact.

Making strong eye contact shows that you are confident in yourself, and it shows that you are engaged and interested in the conversation at hand. By looking elsewhere, you are disengaging yourself from the conversation whether you mean to or not. Also, if you’re looking around, your date may assume that you’re not interested or even worse, you are checking out other people. It’s rude, it’s annoying, don’t do it. (Please don’t take this advice completely literally, because someone who makes too intense eye contact can also come across as creepy. You don’t need to stare into the depths of your date’s soul, but just show that you’re listening and you care.) FYI a direct eye contact lasting more than 7 seconds means an intention to have sex or murder.

7. Make an effort with friends and family.

This should really go without saying, but some guys are just not so adorably clueless. Guys, when you’re dating a new girl, remember that you’re also kind of dating her best friends too. You have to woo them by being so nice, so friendly, and so funny, without being so over-the-top. If you’re meeting them at a bar, buy them a round of Shots. Talk about how much you like Girls, Grey's Anatomy and 90210 and think it’s absurd that people are criticizing Lena Dunham’s naked body. They’ll like totally love you forever, which will come in handy if your girl is ever having second thoughts about you. If you meet her family, you’ve won her over. You’re officially dating, don’t fuck it up. Especially for me meeting the family is the next step to be honest. I usually don't meet family at all and by meeting I don't mean you talk to her mom when you've gone to pick her or drop her. Actually meeting the parents is a BIG deal for me. You might want to tread with caution here.

8. Compliment your date.

Your date made a large effort to look good for you, and most likely got the approval from her roomies on the perfect outfit to wear for you that borders sexy and skanky, but also cute at the same time. Tell her she looks pretty and smells good. Duh.

9. Do not talk about your ex.

This is a no brainer, but sometimes people word vomit all over their dates and talk about their latest shitty break-up. If you’re not over your ex, do not waste someone else’s time by taking them on a date. If you bring her up, you’re not over it. If you talk shit about her, you’re not over it. If you’re “still friends”, you’re not over it (and maybe they’re still using them as a booty call). Basically, don’t bring it up.

10. Be honest and communicative.

This according to me is the game changer. If you've been dating someone for a bit, and you’re starting to really like her, then tell her. Do not go overboard and start talking about how she’s the nice, next door girl you've been waiting for and how your mom is so excited to meet her at Navratri dinner. Tell her you’re enjoying getting to know her and that you like her. Being honest about your feelings and communicating them in an appropriate and non-creepy way is a fine and important line. The only time you should not be honest with your date is if she asks you if she looks good in a certain outfit. Regardless of how much you don’t like that dress on her, tell her she looks beautiful and thin. If you don’t, you’ll be getting real cozy with your laptop instead of with your date.






Ps : Please note that all of the above is very circumstantial and might actually be very disastrous to say the least so please use caution while following my Playbook :)
Goes without saying that it also depends heavily on your girl as well (if you were smart enough to notice how it depends more on your date without me pointing it out, My friend you have thing going just right for you)