The World is not enough

Apart from being the title of a Bond movie, it's also today the title of my post signifying that which has been running on my mind.

The world is truly not enough, now more than ever i understand why being at peace with oneself and being content are far more important than being the fastest or the smartest. 

A friend (before she threw me out of her life) told me a true life incident that happened with her on her birthday and the strange thing is that it's been on my mind since the day she told me about it. This really happened.

"So on my birthday, in the morning I was with my family going to the temple when due to traffic we were stuck at a signal.

Now honestly all day it was on my mind that although it's my birthday and all but something was amiss..i felt sad and i wasn't really happy..friends had come over the previous day itself for the celebration and we had a great time but somehow somewhere something was lacking..i couldn't place a finger on it.. it was when all this was running on my mind that i saw a kid..very small probably he wouldn't  even be in class 2 or 3 if he ever did go to school.but here he was cleaning the windscreen of our car with those little hands and when he came to ask my jiju for some money in return of his work i saw his condition and then it hit me : here is someone probably who should be in a school but no life has been so cruel to him that he has to stand in the hot sun all day at the traffic junction cleaning cars so that maybe just maybe he'll have his full meals for that day and then i realized WE, the privileged class who have a roof over our head, meals readily available whenever we are hungry have grown to cribbing about almost everything. We have forgotten to appreciate that which we have. and then suddenly i felt happy here was i with my Di n jiju on one of my special days...what more could i have asked for"

Now coming to the point i wanted to raise with this story was that she was telling me all this when i had called her after what was a very difficult day for me at work and just wanted to get it off my chest and she started narrating this story to me..i was stunned "Damn man is it really true that i'm a cribber i mean was i forgetting that others too had problems and everyone deals with their own wagon full of it..isn't it the whole way this life thing works out..every man for himself..

Coming back to the strangeness of the title for this post, the world is truly not enough, I'm in a better position in life than maybe a billion other people but am i happy?? does the comforts that i have in any way make me more happy or are they just turning me more lazy..I avoid taking the local these days, the same locals that were nothing less than an adventure for me when i was in college..are we evolving towards our own end..

As my struggle with myself continues and i try to find the ultimate truth i'll keep coming back here trying to give words to my thoughts..for me and for you!!!

The Big Bad World!!

I'm LOST.
Even before I start with this post let me honestly tell you that right now where I stand, at the crossroads of life, I'm lost.

I always thought I had it all figured in life, always thought I had a game plan but apparently I was a fool and maybe too naive to understand the worldly ways...

The year 2012 is already turning out to be shit. 

I've never been this troubled, having the worst time ever. The very fact that i came back to writing my blogs is the testament that i need help.

Now i knew things were going to get tough but never considered the impact they'll have on me...I always joked that the day my luck runs out on me, I'm going to fall flat on my face and I fear the time has come.

Been going through a lot lately both at the work front and on the personal, I thought I'll never be effected by all this but alas I am.

I am somebody for whom friends are very important and lately this part of me is really giving me sleepless nights.

Till date I've been called by a lot of names, abused but never did it hurt the way it hurts right now. Now i'm not what a mother would describe as a textbook definition of a suitable or a good boy, but i'm not and i repeat not a BAD person, I've done my fair share of bad things but i'm sure i don't deserve what i'm facing now...

Or maybe life isn't always a party, everyone has to face its ups n downs..(no wonder i never liked the roller coaster ride)

For those who have seen my transition from the rebel in school to somebody who's opinion mattered, will surely agree I TIRED, and i think i gave and continue to give my best shot.

I'm at an-all-time low in my life and a few people are making it a whole lot difficult for me. I just hope even this phase of my life changes, I desperately need my mojo back...Lady Luck don't ditch me now.

I just hope people see the real me, I feel i'm constantly being judged maybe I'm thinking too much into it but i can't help it.

And when somebody for whom you care so much calls you a "bad person", it hurts it really really hurts.. 

This post is more of my frustration coming out and a desperate attempt to avoid going into a depression.

God help me. I need you more than ever. I need somebody to have the faith in me, to trust me.

finishing off by just wishing that things improve!